Tales From The Commute I: Passive Aggression

Construction workers, sand-filled plastic barriers, and traffic. Along Collins St the flow of cars and vans and trams stretches and breaks from intersection to intersection - imagine the slow drip of cold treacle from spoon to cereal and you'll get the idea. The crunch of weighted tires on damp asphalt is as crisp as the air - it's too cold to smell the exhaust fumes and the sweat. The sky is grey and blue, and brighter than last week. Not for the first time I wonder if I've missed daylight savings.

Jacketed cyclists rise from their saddles and coast across Russel Exhibition St with the green light, as a car parked behind the last legally parked car (wedged between barriers and the inner lane) pops its front driver side door and produces a largish man in a suit.

Standing in what would have been the bicycle lane but for the seemingly endless/fruitless construction work (I have a sneaking suspicion they're actually running a lucrative inner city construction worker free parking scam), he then swings the passenger door wide to allow yet another cyclist obstacle to disembark.

"Stupid place to stop." A woman in her 30s comments in an untraceable European accent as she pedals past.

"What was that?" Says the man who had heard perfectly well - his accent tracing its origins back to the foothills of Mt. Passive Aggressive.

"... I said, stupid place to stop!"

The man who grew up running through the daffodils on the shores of Lake Infarction considered this for a moment.

"F*$% off."

"Y-you!" Replied the woman, exasperated. Doubtless she was hoping for something better before Doppler robbed her of the opportunity.


What can we learn here? A few things. Firstly, Simon's Third Law of Commuter Cycling;

If a person is doing something stupid, and they see you coming and continue to do that stupid something, then they are obviously impervious to logic. Arguing with them is like arguing with stale porridge.


This relates to Simon's Second Law of Commuter Cycling;

Energy expended on reprimanding idiots should bear a direct and positive correlation to the degree to which their idiocy disrupted (or had the potential to disrupt) your commute.



For example, if some ruddy faced resident of Triplebypassville opens their car door twenty meters ahead of you, causing you to veer slowly out of their way, there's plenty of reason to let it go. For one, you were inconvenienced by only a few seconds and a couple of feet, and two, chastising this person will not result in their begging your forgiveness. More likely it will result in the water-cooler talk at Stomach Ulcer, Heartburn & Sons focusing on how some dope on a bicycle flew into a rage for no good reason.

On the other hand, if the person opens their car door two meters in front of you, causing you to veer wildly to save your own neck, then the potential for commute diruption (i.e. your untimely death by dooring) is severe enough to warrant at least a partial foaming at the mouth (also a call to 000 if you actually make contact with the door, as opening your door into oncomming traffic is an offense, and failure to subsequently exchange details on request is tantamount to a hit and run).

This is important, because working yourself up over small things distracts you, and distraction relates directly to Simon's First Law of Commuter Cycling;

The most dangerous idiots are the ones you're not looking for.


Addendum: This doesn't mean that you can't politely suggest to someone that they modify their behaviour in the future, nor does it mean that you shouldn't correct someone when they misinterpret the law (i.e. geddawfatharoad!). Just don't expect thanks for your efforts, and try not to become preoccupied with it.

"I said it once before but it bears repeating..."

Image from abc.net.au.

If you're going to cross tram tracks in the wet, either slow down to one third your usual speed, or increase your angle of intersection by at least 20 degrees. Preferably both.

I have a nice scrape on my elbow to remind me of why this is important.

From now on, when it rains I'm only going to turn off of Sturt St by way of a Right Hook Turn.

Wax Your Bike Chain

This image (along with the following link) care of the now defunct Recumbent Blog.

This might be one more suited to the socks'n'sandals crowd, but seemed interesting nonetheless.

Chain Waxing

Hal Grades Your Bike Locking

Hal doesn't carry bolt cutters (maybe for his hair), but he's still a reason to be afraid of lousy locking technique.

These two videos, filmed five years apart, showcase the most typical mistakes.

Trek Soho 3.0 - The bike you could win just by registering for Ride To Work

Just to the right of iced-mocha-sipping-guy-who-buys-his-clothes-at-Gazman is the Trek Soho 3.0, a very nice aluminium flat bar road bike complete with Avid BB-5 Mechanical disc brakes and SRAM X-7 27-speed gearing. If that makes no sense to you, just trust me when I say it's worth every dollar of its $1400 price tag, and you will be very happy if you win it.

All you need to do is register for Ride To Work Day. No money required, no commitment, nothing other than what you were going to do anyway, but now with a 1 in about 20,000 chance of winning a sweet bike.

If those odds don't sound good to you, you've obviously never looked into the stats for Powerball.

Bicycle Product Recall: Cervelo True Temper Wolf SL Carbon Fibre Fork

I don't think anyone here rides a Cervelo, but just in case, here's a link to the product recall of a fork fitted to some of their bikes.

Although the fork is not actually manufactured by Cervelo, after twelve instances of customers' handlebars detaching from their bikes mid commute/leisure ride/race, they're doing the honourable thing and recalling the lot.

Wacked Out Invention of The Week

Now when you blast through a red light, people will know exactly how fast you were hurtling toward that minivan at the moment of impact!

Okay, so there is a certain cool factor in this safety device, it's just that the person most likely to become one of these rolling speedometers is also the person most likely to be popping wheelies in traffic.

The design itself is quite clever - perhaps animated turn signals in the future?

Wrong about Connex

Recently I talked about Connex banning bicycles from peak hour trains. Turns out the ban was withdrawn shortly after implementation.

Thanks to Simon Ross for the heads up.

Be nice if cycling got some air time over here...

I'd like to see something like this UK ad on the teev down under.

Congrats to Anna Meares - Silver in the Women's Track Sprint

Meares with Pendleton. Photo nabbed from the www.abc.net.au (AFP: Daniel Garcia)

We've all heard her 'broken back to Olympic medalist' story a few times by now, but why the hell not? Competition at any level after that kind of injury is impressive - more so when you consider that Anna's silver is our only medal on the track at these games. BMX is still to come, so I won't say its the only cycling medal just yet).

Full credit to Victoria Pendleton from GBR for the Gold - she's bloody fast.

Funny the stuff you find on the internet...

Jason Pastor from the Carnegie / Caulfield Cycling Club in action in Mansfield
(Victorian Open Road Cycling Championships, Victoria, Australia, Sept. 30-Oct. 2, 2005)
Photo ©: Shane Goss/www.licoricegallery.com

In case you missed it - The First of At Least A Few Ride To Work E-mails

Yes, it’s coming, and no, I’m not going to shut up about it. Practice your stretches. Dust off your Stackhat. In two short months National Ride To Work Day will be here (October 15^th), and I’m not taking any lip.

Here (in a shameless rip-off of Letterman’s classic Top Ten format) are the

Top Ten Reasons You Should Do It.

10. For registering to ride your bicycle you could win… a bicycle! Last year it was this or this.

09. It’s easier than it looks.

08. All the cool people are doing it.

07. So is this guy.

06. There will be a free breakfast (Kate Guest has promised muffins).

05. There will be prizes (as yet unspecified) for various award categories (also unspecified).

04. I’ll be your friend.

03. Unleaded was about 144.9 per litre last I checked. Think about it.

02. The environment, and all that.

01. You couldn’t look dorkier than Peter Garrett did.

But It’s Too Far

This is one of the most difficult hurdles, and oftentimes it’s fair enough. Look into cycling to the nearest train, or cycle in and then train back, or some kind of cycle/car pool combination. It’s Ride To Work day, after all. Bear in mind that you may have to get up a bit earlier than usual – for capacity reasons Connex have banned bikes on peak hour trains (rather than, you know, running more trains).

I’m Worried That It’s Dangerous

If you need to mix it with motorized traffic, then risk is a factor, certainly. If you’re interested in riding but think you might freak out, let me know. We can always pair you up with an experienced bicycle commuter in your area. Also, weekend practice rides are great confidence boosters. Remember that not only is cycling safer than it seems, but Ride To Work Day is the safest day of the year to do it.

I’m Really Unfit

The great thing about cycling is that you can go as slow as you like. Give yourself plenty of time and enjoy it. Besides which, Cadel Evans just rode the Olympic times trials with a torn Anterior Cruciate Ligament and placed 5^th. In the world. Comparatively, commuting is a doddle.

I Also Have No Bike / An Un-roadworthy Bike

Well, you’ve got two months, get cracking! Just speak to a cycling co-worker and if they can’t point you in the direction of a decent bike store and a few product suggestions, they will know someone who can. If you are attached to your current bike, but so are cobwebs, get a cycling pal to look it over and recommend a repair store/course of action. Flat tires and a rusty chain are an easy fix! If it’s a matter of moolah, you’d be surprised how many of us have spare bikes…

Okay, okay, where’s the link already?

Click here to go to the Ride To Work Day homepage, and then click ‘Participant Registration’ on the right of screen.

The Omnilab Melbourne Team number is 866733 – you need to enter that number to be registered as a member of Team Us.

I’m hopeless with these entry form things, can’t you just do it for me?

Certainly. Just forward me your name, contact number, and date of birth.

Thanks,

Simon

P.S. I’ll be bugging you all again in a month’s time…

P.P.S. If you’d like to contribute foodstuffs etc, I’d love to hear from you.

Gardiners Creek Trail Closure

For those of you who use Gardiners Creek Trail, here's what the City of Boroondara had to say in an e-mail to Pamela about the current detour;

15 August 2008

Dear Ms Hammond

Re: Gardiners Creek Trail Diversion

Thank you for your e-mail of 5 August 2008 regarding the closure of the Gardiners Creek Trail.

I wish to advise that the section of the Gardiners Creek Trail between Tooronga Road and Great Valley Road will be closed for a period of 12 months until July 2009 to allow for construction of the Monash Freeway widening works, the re-alignment of Gardiners Creek and the development of the Glen Iris Wetland.

The freeway works, undertaken by the Monash Alliance necessitated the closure on 15 July 2008.

The Glen Iris Wetland works (west of Burke Road) to be undertaken by Melbourne Water, are proposed to commence by mid to end August 2008. The realignment and widening of Gardiners Creek between Tooronga Road and the Wetland site, to be also undertaken by Melbourne Water, is tentatively proposed to commence at the end of September 2008.

Realignment and widening of Gardiners Creek is necessary to reduce flood levels and to improve water flow and the stability of the creek embankment. It is noted that a section of the creek embankment collapsed in late December 2007 which resulted in the closure of the trail for 2 weeks to allow for emergency remedial works by Melbourne Water.

The freeway works are part of the State Government's commitment to widen the Monash Freeway to provide an additional traffic lane in each direction.

At the conclusion of the works a new wider path will be provided between Tooronga Road and Burke Road.

In the interim, a detour route for the trail involves the use of Tooronga Road, Carroll Crescent, Wills Street and Great Valley Road in the City of Stonnington and is considered to be the most practical solution (see attached plan). This route essentially utilises local and lower order local roads and the on road bicycle lanes in Tooronga Road. The City of Stonnington is also installing traffic calming treatments along Carroll Crescent to encourage motorists to travel more slowly, further enhancing the safety along this section of road. These works are nearing completion.

Use of Burke and Toorak Roads was not considered appropriate given that both roads are major arterial roads with heavy volumes of traffic travelling at speed, particularly Toorak Road.

The former Tooronga Village site is privately owned by Stockland and is currently being redeveloped with major earthworks occurring within its boundary. On this basis, use of private land and a construction site was not supported on several grounds, including safety.

The local street network in the City of Boroondara west of Burke Road provides no connection to Tooronga Road. It comprises a number of no through roads that link to Burke Road South Reserve and an indirect connection to Toorak Road.

As part of the Wetland works, major drains are proposed to be installed within the reserve which will restrict access through the reserve and use of the oval. Again whilst use of Burke Road, the street network and Toorak Road is still possible, it was not considered appropriate to formalise a detour given the steep grades and the volume and speed of traffic on Burke and Toorak Roads.

In view of the above, the local street network in the City of Stonnington was considered to be the most suitable detour in view of the constraints.

In relation to the other issues raised in your e-mail, I wish to advise the following:

· Council approached contractors on behalf of the Monash Alliance and Melbourne Water to seal, compact and sweep the temporary access path as a matter of urgency. The path was sealed on 28 July 2008 and a request was also sent through for the path to be swept. This matter will be followed up, including sweeping of the footpath and the on road bike lane in Tooronga Road.

· Additional detour and information signs along the entire detour route are proposed to be installed within the next week.

A copy of the detour route and a plan showing the extent of the Freeway, Creek and Wetland works is attached.

Should you require any further information in relation to the Monash Freeway or Melbourne Water works, please contact one of the following:

Monash Freeway Alliance
Communications
Ph: 9834 4700

Melbourne Water
Communications
Ph: 131 722

Should you require any other details please contact me.

Yours sincerely
Jim Hondrakis

Team Leader Transport Management
ph. 9278 4546
fax 9278 4512

e-mail : jim.hondrakis@boroondara.vic.gov.au

City of Boroondara
Private Bag 1
Camberwell 3124

Bike helmets that look like hats!

Yakkay's bike-helmets look like hats -- just slip a cover on (they come in beanie, sunhat, peaked cap and a couple other varieties, and in many colors) and pedal your way to sartorial splendour.
- Kate

http://www.yakkay.com/uk/cover_oversigt.html

RACV Bike Assist cover - now available

Pretty cheap peace of mind if you don't feel like your on-the-spot bicycle maintenance skills would pass muster (like me!). - Kate

RACV Bike Assist is designed to assist cyclists in the event that their bicycle cannot be ridden due to an accident, mechanical problem or puncture. You have the peace of mind in knowing that if we cannot fix the problem we will dispatch a taxi to transport yourself and your bicycle to your chosen destination

Members:

• $24 p.a. single cover
• $33 p.a. family cover

RACV bike assist - single cover includes:

• Up to eight service calls per subscription year.
• A taxi to transport your and your bike to your chosen destination, up to the value of $50, if RACV cannot fix the problem.
  

RACV bike assist - family cover includes:

• Coverage for two adults and two children under the age of 21 years.
• Up to eight service calls per subscription year.
• One or two taxis up to the value of $100 to transport you, your family and bikes to your chosen destination if RACV cannot fix the problem.

For more info / detail on what's covered:
http://www.racv.com.au/wps/wcm/connect/Internet/Primary/roadside+assistance/bike+assist/

Awesome Photo of the Week

via Queensland State Library

I've been dared to post an article on saddles and erectile disfunction...

Picture nabbed from the blog of Robert Mackey, NYTimes.

Kate, you don't know me that well, obviously.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/08/080807175444.htm

I especially like that one of the tests for erectile function is called 'Rigiscan' TM.

Priceless.

Complete a survey, win an iPhone (maybe)

Worth a shot .

If you worked for Little Creatures...

... you'd be riding a very cool bike by now.

Just saying.

Made In Queens - a doco about some coooool bikes

http://www.madeinqueensfilm.com/film.html

MADE IN QUEENS

Just wanted to mention a great short doco that's getting a bit of attention. There's a bunch of ex-Trinidad-Tobago citizens living in Queens NY at the moment that decided to create a 'mobile dance party' of sorts by hooking up massive sound systems (generators, speakers, etc.) to their BMX bikes and riding them around town until they find a suitable place to stop and party. It's awesome. Anyway, if you see it screening in Melbourne it would be a great one to get to.

- Kate x

In case you haven't seen it yet...

This is the extent to which relations have soured between Critical Mass and the NYPD.

As most comentators on the web and elsewhere have already noted, Critical Mass are a tough nut to crack. On the one hand, they are a cyclist advocate group focused on reclaiming not simply 'the streets' (as per their ambiguous catch-cry), but a place for the bicycle in the collective psyche as a serious means of transportation, one deserving of recognition and thereby safety on said streets.

On the other hand they are a bunch of bike lifting, tunnel obstructing zealots in desperate need of a steady job and/or a hobby. Too slow for crits, too clumsy for XC, too impatient for brevets, too sane for cyclocross, but still eager to participate in group activites with their bikes that don't require a polo mallet, they turn bicycle advocacy into a kind of bicycle supremacy - Homo Velo Superior. They are the Magnetos of the road. Sure, it's great for 3Aw's talkback hour, but perhaps not most effective way to get motorists to hand over a piece of the asphalt pie.

My point, before anyone rushes to their keyboard in defense or denunciation of this or that, is not that Mr Long (the cyclist) deserved to be hoisted from his fixie in such a manner. Personally I think Officer Pogan (the hoister) is a disgrace. My point is that this is the kind of inexcusable behaviour that springs from either side of any 'Us v. Them' arrangement given enough time, people, and collective myopia. First a motorist nearly kills 50 elite cyclists, then cops start shoving people off bikes, then articles about deadly scofflaw cyclists claim that we're mowing down the elderly. It's tempting to think of the roads as a battleground, but it's a mistake. The CMers need to see what it's like to try and hold down a job with long hours 60-150kms from home, and the motorists and cops and journos need to get on a bike in traffic and see how long it takes for someone to almost kill them.

They need to, but they probably won't.

Stay tuned for red t-shirts featuring Stuart O'Grady smoking a cigar in a beret I guess...